What’s The Opposite Of Stockholm Syndrome? Just Regular-Ass “Being Held Hostage”? (Or, A Summary Of Our Year In Crazy Town)

Y’all, blogging is hard. We’ve been shit bloggers. I think we’d have been better at keeping this updated if we had better news to share, but the truth of the matter is that this year has been ROUGH. But after months and months of two-steps-forward-one-step-back progress (or, sometimes, one-step-forward-two-steps-back non-progress), we finally have some meaningful movement in the right direction. 

Let me catch you up. In the nearly one year since our last blog post (ugh, sorry sorry sorrysorrysorry), this is what we’ve been up to:

We survived a truly terrifying Chicago winter. We’ve lived in Chicago for nearly 6 years now, so we’re no strangers to the Midwest winter. Our first winter in Chicago featured measurable snow literally every other day from December to March. Our second winter introduced us to the Polar Vortex. The winter of 2018-2019 was different, in large part because we were attempting to brave it in a 100+ year old home with decades-old, drafty-AF, rotting windows. We were managing well enough, wearing hats and blankets and wool socks, developing an herbal tea habit, feeling tough for roughing it like this, dreaming about the day this shithouse would be fixed. And then a killer cold snap hit, colder and more severe than any Polar Vortex on record.

Guys, it was scary. Air temps clocked in at -22, wind chills dropped down to -50. The night before it hit felt like preparing for a natural disaster. We covered every window we could with every piece of spare fabric we could find. We dug the rusty old space heater the previous owners had left behind out of the basement, dragged it into the room housing our sump pump to keep the pipes from freezing, and prayed it wouldn’t start a fire (well, that particular anxiety was mostly me). We hunkered down for 48 hours, and we swore to ourselves that under no circumstances would we spend another winter in this house in this condition.

We found a GC! And then we lost him. Last December, before we knew what winter had in store for us, we began bidding out our project to a handful of GCs (stay tuned for a separate blog post detailing how we approached the process and what we learned). We narrowed in on our top pick and dug into the nitty gritty of negotiating his bid. After a few rounds of sometimes tense but seemingly productive conversations, we landed on what we considered to be “the same page” (including agreeing to a much later start date than we had wanted). Then, we got a surprise email. Our GC had lost a few guys on his crew, he was taking a big family trip, and he just couldn’t take on the job. 

We were crushed. And furious. And panicked. We’d spent months coming to an agreement with this guy (it was March by now), but, despite his stated reasoning, the impression we got sounded suspiciously like “we’re not actually on the same page about this stuff, and I can probably make more money taking on some other jobs instead.” In desperation, we tried to backtrack on all the things we’d been negotiating for, just in the interest of moving forward. No luck. We walked away, back to the drawing board, with three months down the drain. Fuuuuuu….

We seriously thought about selling. After losing GC #1, we spent a little bit of time regrouping, licking our wounds, and preparing to head back out to bid with our plans. We’d learned a lot from the debacle, we felt smarter and more prepared this time around, but as we began our outreach and gathered new bids, there was a part of us that wondered What if we just... got out?

The idea was painful for a number of reasons. The emotional blow of giving up on this dream -- on this house that we loved -- was hard to bear. The financial blow of sunk costs and transaction fees was a weight on our chests. The unknowable risk of putting a house like ours on the market, knowing how long it sat the first time and how uncontrollable the real estate process is, was really terrifying. But we were exhausted and dejected, and we had to figure out if we were making the right choice in trying to push forward. 

I’ll spare you the details of our descent into Literal Spreadsheet Hell, but we sliced and diced our projected financials, we visualized and analyzed and argued, until the choice was clear. We had to push forward, but we had to make some changes.

We scaled back the project. While we were struggling with the idea of whether or not to sell, we were simultaneously coordinating bids from our second round of GC outreach. The bids that came in gave us major pause. The majority of them came back with figures that were higher than we wanted, but generally do-able. We’d be dipping into our savings more than we wanted to, but… we could swing it. The other bids were literally DOUBLE that. Yikes. We learned a hard truth: we have enough money, but we do not have more than enough money, and if our project costs came anywhere near those more expensive bids, we were toast. 

Knowing that selling was no longer on the table, we brainstormed how we might intelligently scale back the project in a way that gave us a house we’d be happy with, more breathing room in our bank account, and the opportunity to revisit the work we shelved once life allowed us. 

Luckily, the one choice we know we got right was our Architect, and he jumped in to turn our vision of a manageable but flexible scope of work into a reality. The result was a plan that we actually might like even more than the original. Success! By this time, we’d narrowed in on a small handful of GCs that we liked best from our second round of outreach and had them re-bid on the new scope of work. We breathed a sigh of relief to see that what came back was way more comfortable and gave us a solid way forward. 

We found a new GC! Quick time check: how much additional time had we invested between our first round GC implosion and our second round GC decision point? Damn near four months. Ouch. But we were now looking at two solid options and a path forward we felt better about. Progress! With Option #1, we had a guy who really seemed to get it. He was (for a GC) organized and easy to communicate with. He was flexible and willing to work with our specific requests, requirements and limitations. We liked him. Chief liked him! And he liked Chief! 

Option #2 was basically a slightly less good version of Option #1… with one key exception. His timeline. It was absurdly fast. It was you must be bullshitting me fast. It was are you sure you bid this project correctly fast. But he stood by his timeline, even when we challenged him. He was transparent with his project management process. And he agreed to pay per-day damages if he went over his timeline. It was too compelling. We could be done by the fall! We had to go with him. We signed contracts just two weeks ago and he was ready to get started ASAP. Awesome. 

And then we lost him! Okay, what the fuck. Out of the actual clear blue sky, just days ago, we got an email from GC #2. He had to decline our project. He was going on a family trip. He had other competing projects. He couldn’t fit it in. I’m sorry, what?!? Where were these potential conflicts when we were negotiating the bid? When we were signing the contracts? When we were emailing literally two days prior about our window order? It made no sense. We’d been blindsided. 

Simply put, we both freaked out, in our own way. If you know us well, you can guess what this might have looked like. Eventually, we rallied. We straightened our spines. We made a plan. Our GC dodged our calls. Asshole. So we called the other GC finalist -- the guy our gut told us was the better choice, the guy we’d just turned down two weeks ago -- and we begged. And he took us back. Whew. 

We found a GC, for real. The story doesn’t truly end here. It turns out that the blindsiding GC had gotten some crappy life news and was just having a really bad day when he told us he had to back out. Super relatable, but not OK. Once his head was clearer, he felt terrible about screwing us over and he wanted to make it right. He wanted to do the project anyway, and he recommitted to his timeline. But truthfully, this was a blessing in disguise. Our new GC’s longer (but probably more realistic) timeline introduces some additional complexity, for sure, but ultimately this decision feels like a relief. He’s the better fit, and we’ve always known it.

So, where are we now? Well, we’ve submitted applications for permits with the City of Chicago. We expect to begin initial demo work before the end of the month. We’re securing alternate housing for the duration. Holy shit - it’s happening.